THINGS MY WIFE SAYS, VOL. I

“He was a quarter-wit.”

 “People with yellowed teeth shouldn’t wear white shirts.”

 “I was only drunk for ten minutes.”   

 “He ran his wheelchair into hers. Then she attacked him.”

 “I can spot perverts just by their looks.”

 “She sounded relatively sober…”

 “Then she went and shot off her toes. Now she can’t wear sandals.”

 “Anybody who looks good has had a facelift.”

 “She cropped her large heinie out of that photo.”