THINGS HEARD AT OUR HOUSE (VOL. I)

·         “It wasn’t necessarily sexual.”

·         “How’s Millie doing?”

“She’s dead.

“I guess not too well, then.”

·         “Few things make people happier than a Jag owner in distress.”

·         “I had to leave when my giggy fell asleep.”

·         “They had to buy a pressure-assisted flush. Usually, they use them only in commercial buildings.”

·         “It’s daylight, and I’ve had whiskey…”

·         “My sister told me to take the glasses off our mother in the open casket, because she wanted to wear them. Later, she told me to put them back.”

·         “She said she found out the painters had been watching porn while seated in her favorite chair.”

·         “We found a pile of nail clippings on the hotel room balcony. It looked like a football team had been shorn there.”

·         “Something swam around in that gene pool.”

·         “Even her friends hate her.”

·         “They said she sat in the back of their elementary school classroom pleasuring herself. They referred to it as her ‘knitting.’”

“Whatever became of her?”

      “She’s dead now. Probably carpal tunnel syndrome.”